Marriage : 5 financial mistakes that can wreck your marriage

The Money Coach Lynnette Khalfani-Cox says married couples who make healthy financial decisions together will stand the test of time

Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for many years, having a good handle on your finances needs to be a top priority for couples.

Spouses that can make financial decisions together are usually in a better position than those who avoid talking about money or rely on one spouse to handle every aspect of the household finances.

If you and your partner have different money “personalities” – different spending habits, savings goals, or just different philosophies about money – you could have arguments about money and endure financial problems that taint an otherwise happy marital life.

Here are five financial mistakes that could wreck your marriage: 

#1: Attempting to Change Your Partner’s Money Personality 

Everyone has their own money personality, a set of habits or concepts about money that guide their purchasing decisions, dictate how much and when they save, and determine their spending comfort level.

If one spouse is very frugal and the other is used to living a lavish lifestyle, you can expect some conflicts to arise. However, trying to change your partner’s money personality – and you insist that your way is the “best” way all the time – that can hurt your marriage.

Plan on getting to the root of “why” your spouse feels the way he or she does about money. Learn to listen a lot more and judge a lot less. And then create a plan that’s helps you both achieve individual and shared goals so that each person can feel comfortable about their own spending and saving strategies, as well as what you do jointly within the household.

#2: Having Joint Accounts Before You’re Ready 

Many couples struggle with the idea of having joint accounts when they get married.

If you’re 100 percent sure that both parties are comfortable sharing expenses or seeing how each parties saves, spends and so on, then joint accounts can be just fine. Also, if neither one of you has a problem determining who gets what “share” when each person is earning a different amount of income, you could go ahead and open joint accounts and not experience any real conflict.

However, it’s perfectly okay to have separate accounts and manage your money independently. You could also have both: a separate account and a joint account. Even if you’re splitting the bills 50/50, you could both write checks separately for various bills, and still your own individual and joint financial goals.

You’ll each still be contributing to the household but would have more control over your own finances. Maintaining such independence isn’t about trying to have power. Rather it’s about keeping financial conflicts in the relationship to a minimum and also learning how to effectively manage money on your own.

#3: Keeping Money Secrets from Your Spouse 

Whether you’re trying to hide your credit card spending habit, taking money out of a joint savings account without your spouse knowing about it, or making big purchases without talking to your spouse about them, you’re guilty of keeping some money secrets.

Be as open as possible about what you’re spending. And plan on making larger purchases together so you’re not hiding anything from your significant other.

Ditto for debts and other obligations you may have: if you’re tying the knot with someone, it’s best to tell them about your finances before you walk down the aisle. Otherwise, it you spill the beans about your $100,000 in student loans after you’ve gotten hitched, your spouse may start fuming, and may wonder what other secrets you’ve been keeping.

Bottom line: money secrets can destroy financial and personal intimacy in a marriage. So just don’t go there.

#4: Investing in ‘Stuff’ More than in the Relationship 

While material goods can occasionally enhance your lifestyle, focusing too much on what you’re buying or trying to compete with other couples will take away from your marriage.

Spending so much time and energy to appear rich and wealthy can zap you of energy you need for your relationship.

Avoid becoming so materialistic that you ignore what your spouse really needs and wants. If you want your marriage to survive, material goods should be just a part of your life and not the main focus.

Besides, when you make “stuff” the priority, what could that do to your marriage if the “stuff” goes away for some reason? Learn to be happy and content with each other and your family and true friends. That’s what makes your life rich. Not the car sitting in your driveway.

#5: Avoiding the Money Talk and Financial Planning 

The “money talk” needs to happen – and consistently – if you want your marriage to work. Avoiding the subject altogether usually leads to financial disaster and can jeopardize your financial situation and your union.

Surprisingly, though, most people don’t have a “money talk” until after their married – or at least not until they begin doing wedding planning.

source: ebony